More Scam Spam Fun!

Email ScamSince I had a bit of a virtual romp with Olga a couple of weeks ago, I’ve been receiving some other types of interesting propositional emails from people.

Some like this one from 楊惠君.

Disclaimer: This is an actual email, copied and pasted from my Yahoo email account. It was not altered in any way, in order to make it more ludicrous or humorous. I did not compose the email sent by Mrs Vina Long.

From: “”楊惠君”” <yhj888@masterlink.com.tw>

To:

Sent: Friday, March 8, 2013 5:51 PM

Subject: From Vina.

.

Hello.

I am Mrs. Vina Long an aging widow suffering from cancer, a long time illness. Before my late husband died we had no children. I have some funds I inherited from my late husband. I will ask my attorney to prepare the necessary document to transfer the funds from my husband online offshore account and property to you. I want you to help me with this as I am very sick and cannot do this myself as I have to make my last wish come true. I have an estate in Medford NJ (USA) and a total sum of GBP£4.3Million (Four Million Three Hundred Thousand Great British Pounds Sterling) in my late husband online offshore account, which I have instructed my attorney to transfer the account of the person I have decided to make my next of kin. I need you to sell the property in Medford NJ USA. And 30\25 of the total sum should be transferred to any orphanage home. I need a very honest and God fearing Christian that will use the fund for God’s work, I found your email address from the internet and decided to contact you. Please if you would be able to use the funds for the Lord’s work, kindly reply me back.

Thanks again for you concern and Stay blessed.

Mrs Long

vina-long001@live.com

.

This is terrible! My heart goes out to Mrs Vina Long! O the unfairness of it all, widowed, suffering from a long cancer illness, having no one to bestow her fortunes on! What could be worse. I ask ya. Just what could be worse.

Of course, her cancer being a “long” illness rather than a “short” one, seems beneficial. Maybe I can point that out to her.

My heartfelt reply to Mrs Vina Long follows.

Hello Mrs. Vina Long,

I am replying you back and am sorry that you are an aging widow, suffering from cancer (a long time illness). Also, I am aging (aren’t we all?) but not a widow. Cancer is sometimes a short term illness, though, so let’s hope your particular illness continues on for a very long time. We are all terminal, don’t forget this, and perhaps you will outlive the cancer. Meaning of course, that something else will get you in the end. Not a pleasant thought, unfortunately.

You say before your late husband died, you had no children. Does this mean that you had children after he died? If so, that is also most unfortunate.

It is very generous of you to ask your attorney to prepare the necessary document to transfer the funds from your “husband online offshore account” and property to me. I am already quite well-to-do and look upon this as a possible tax problem. Can your attorney advise me about that?

Of course I am willing to do what I can. I have no real knowledge of how to sell real estate or of Medford, NJ. The only thing I can say is, I can put on a killer Jersey accent! So maybe I will fit right in down there in “Joisey” Hahaha!

For the humor, I apologize, but am trying to cheer you in this, your hour of great need. You being so sick and all. Sometimes a laugh helps the spirits lift, know what I’m sayin’?

For my next area of confusion, I see you have decided to make me your next of kin. Can you do this? Could you please adopt me first? I am willing for you to become my guardian. God knows, I need guarding (and guidance) because even though I am old in years, I still behave like an utter ass sometimes.

So on to the estate in Medford. I am to sell the property and 30/25 of the total sum should be transferred to any orphanage home? I am not so good at “the maths” as they say there Across the Pond, but it appears as if this is greater than the price I would receive for the property. Does this come out of the 4.3 Million Great British Pounds Sterling?

Please do not underestimate my honesty. It is utter and complete. Trust me — you can trust me! I live to do these good deeds whenever I hear from people such as you.

As for God-fearing, need we fear God? I have always had a problem with that. I guess I don’t fear Him, so does this eliminate me as your potential next of kin? I am very sorry to have to say this, but, since I am so honest and trustworthy (and trusting too!) I will tell you the truth. So can we just strike out the God-fearing part and maybe substitute God-respecting? Or maybe we could just remove that clause altogether?

I will however, use the fund for God’s work. He works in mysterious ways, I’m told, so maybe God wants me to invest in a hedge fund.

You found my email address on the internet? How did you know I was honest because of that?

I am very grateful and honored to be chosen for this, and to do “God’s work”.

Please write soon, and tell me what steps we need to take to get the adoption completed. I am looking forward to becoming your next of kin.

You stay blessed too, Mom (can I call you that now?) and write soon…

Your Devoted Next of Kin

Okay! I’m all set to become the NOK of Mrs Vina Long, I guess.

Really. Can we stop with this stuff? There is not a person left ON THE PLANET who will not do the triple eye roll at this. Congratulations though, for landing in my Inbox, and not my spam folder. You must be doing something right.

Unfortunately, to date, I have not heard back from Mrs. Vina Long.

How Olga Screwed My Happiness

I received the following email from Olga. The subject line was “your profile to produce on me greater impression”. Naturally, I was curious.

hello lynn!

how are you today? What is your name?
my name is Olga, You frequently are on this site http://www.russiahotgirls.com/ ?
I today wanted to talk to you in a chat
You have yahoo or hotmail ID? if you write to me, ok?
I shall wait from you the letter with impatience

Olga

Of course, I didn’t want to be rude. I answer all emails that are sent to me. Which is why I have no time for anything else. I get a lot of emails! And the more I respond, it seems the more I get. Funny how that works.

When you learn, teach. When you get, give. (Maya Angelou)

I responded to Olga as follows:

Hello there Olga!

I am fine today! Although yesterday I was lesser fine, today more so am I fine.

My name is Lynn, but you already must are knowing it since you say nice hello lynn!

In a chat today I am so liking to do!

I have ID for yahoo, hotmail no ID for me is having. Writing to you now, I will do it!

Not to wait with impatience as now I am sending the letter. With impatience I am also waiting for your nice reply. Hope soon it will come!

 Lynn

I waited (with impatience) for Olga’s reply. Olga must have a few email addresses because the second one was a little different. Yet, I am sure it is the same Olga, my new-found friend! This time the subject line was “Watsup bro”.

You have drawn my attention to a site of acquaintances. I hope, as I shall like you. How I to you in a photo? See here http://www.russiahotgirls.com/. The truth – pretty? 🙂 But in a life I more nice!!!
And as I cheerful, kind, sociable and fluffy! I like to go in for sports, read books, to listen to music. I love winter and summer. I do not love spring and slush.
If I have interested you, with pleasure I shall tell about myself more in the following letter.
I wait for the answer on soethcenljal889@yandex.ru

Olga

Ah, Olga. I can’t click links, much as I’d like to. I just can’t do it.

Dear Olga,

I am drawn with much pleasure to the acquaintances site, as already I know I very much like you.

Of course you are cheerful, kind, sociable but fluffy I am not sure I am liking, but will try harder! I at sports cannot do, I am sorry to say, as bones are aged and break easily, yet I watch with happiness. I like read books also and music also. When spring and slush I take you to South France for weeks in luxury hotel. I have much to give you!

Very deeply you have interested me, but please send picture personally as I am old and not trusting of links in emails. Sorry! My staff of servants tell me “Do not click on links” and believe them I must since they are well-paid by me and in my employ for twenty years more.

You have not address to me an endearment, of which I am feel very sorry when last time you said dear lynn.

With great fondness, Lynn

Olga returned my email that very day! I was so happy to get it, after we had struck up this nice friendship. Yet again, she had a different email address. This time is was Olga6969@hotmail.com.

Dear lynn,

When hearing from you last time, I cannot believe my luck to have found such a friend.
Fluffy is meaning happy-to-lucky and filled with funny. No more than that!
In spring we go to South france? Can you send me for a ticket? I like to fly first class, do you?
See my picture here. Not sending links as you say you will not click.
Do you know Western Union? They are convenient, and are friends there. You can send money for ticket to me there?

Love to you, Olga

Wow! That happened fast. Olga wants to visit the South of France with me! This is the picture Olga attached.

OlgaPhoto

Lost no time responding to Olga.

Olga,

Western Union is not close with me. Please can you explain it? You to me in the photo will be as an angel who I see before sleeping and as soon on wake. Olga, I am very much liking your picture, and will we be together soon in France? I hope so.

Here is my picture and I am waiting for you to tell me what you think of it!! Please write soon as I wait with your impatience to receive hello from you!

With great love and affection, Lynn

 Here’s the picture I sent Olga:

OldMan

The very next day I got another email from Olga:

Hello!
You have very much interested me.
It will be pleasant for me if you want with me will get acquainted.
It will be very pleasant for me to find the friend or second half through the Internet.
We can exchange photos.
You can write to me the letter on this electronic address Yaroslav.Feduloov@yandex.ru
I wait for your answer.

My name is Olga.
Good-bye.

I do not think Olga and I to South France will go. I am not liking, and I must say to Olga: “Olga, if you are out there you are screwing my happiness!”

Olga image  courtesy of imagerymajestic at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Man on crutches image courtesy of stockimages at FreeDigitalPhotos.net