Happy Holidays! Oh wait…

CalendarI wanted to get this in before The End of The World. One final post, in preparation for the end of everything (as we know it), my third-act little bit of propaganda, so that it might be fresh in your mind, the last thing you think of just before it happens, maybe even while it happens. That would be cool.

It strikes me as odd that, despite what we are sure will happen tomorrow (because dire predictions like this have certainly never happened before) we are still making plans, for the weekend, for Christmas, for New Years, for next year, for retirement.

Folks! Listen up. It’s all over, there isn’t going to be a Christmas this year, and not any year after that either. No New Year’s, no next year, no retirement. But look on the bright side! You don’t have to wonder if there will be nursing homes in twenty years to accomodate you when you might need one. You don’t have to preplan your funeral! That’s a relief. Planning a funeral is just downright dismal.

Just think! There are things you will never have to worry about! Things that keep you awake, worries of what-ifs. Fah-get about it. Here is a partial list of what none of us will have to worry about, ever again:

  • The semi-annual dental cleaning, and that dentist threatening you with the Gum Guy.
  • Contracting a terminal disease. It would have to be an awfully fast-acting terminal disease. It’s only got a day and a half, maybe less.
  • The Fiscal Cliff. Who cares if they raise your taxes! Let them try and collect it.
  • Global warming. We’re all going to be fried anyway, or however the apocalypse occurs, so let the planet warm away, if there’s a planet left.
  • Outliving 401K money. You can’t possibly spend that much before tomorrow, not even if you’re Donald Trump! (Donald, are you reading this?)
  • The Christmas credit card bill. Go out for a Grey Goose dirty martini! Or two! And a real good dinner. Put it on the credit card, because the bill will never get to your mailbox.
Image courtesy of Maggie Smith at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Maggie Smith at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

In the unlikely event that the prediction is wrong, I’ll be back after the New Year and until then I’ll be busy paying bills, managing investments, making dental appointments, and reserving a nursing home.

Calender image courtesy of kenfotos at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

15 thoughts on “Happy Holidays! Oh wait…

  1. The end of the world is why I’m not feeling guilty about not sending out Christmas cards this year. I’m sure my friends and family will understand. It’s been nice knowing you Ms. Schneider…

  2. Liked the picture. Why don’t people drink martinis anymore? Or eat caviar? Maybe they still do and I’ve just slid out of those circles.
    Here in Aussieland we survived THE END ahead of you. Remember, we will always be the first to go down so you can live another day…Cheers, June

    • Wasn’t that a pretty picture of a martini? They sure are festive. I prefer a glass of wine but martinis always look so good Not sure about caviar. So you’re right, it’s already the 21st and everything still seems to be okay! But if you hear anything, let me know!

  3. Loved this! And like the cookie plan, except I just finished frosting 590 Christmas cookies – don’t think even I can chew that fast!! Have a safe, Merry Christmas and a sober (yeh, right!) New Year!

    • Sue, good to hear from you! I’ll bet the 590 cookies are all beautiful and delicious! But hard to consume them so quickly. The same to you — A Merry Christmas and a wild and crazy New Year’s Eve! No, seriously, Happy New Year!

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